...

THE LORD OF THE RINGS: THE TWO TOWERS

less an adaptation of the film(s) than an attempt on christopher tolkien's life. every deep dark fear he ever had comes true tenfold as aragorn son of arathorn does saucy dmc combos and hollywood footage morphs into Video Game Shit and back again as if prophesizing the hobbit's final form as 9 Hour Cutscene. the skill meter reads excellent while an infinite loop repeats in the background: GO BACK TO THE SHADOWS GO BACK TO THE SHADOWS GO BACK TO THE SHADOWS GO BACK TO THE -- ding -- looks like strider just hit Level 4 😏

every second of the runtime's spent squeezing the material into something only this medium could produce. type of game that would never describe a landscape, but if it did you'd have to kill it after. I'll forever be surprised the psychic impact of turning orthanc into bloody palace didn't reduce the entire tolkien estate to bones & tweed on the spot

send this bad boy to the moon or whereever we're sending supreme cultural artefacts these days. this is videogames and it's astonishing