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RISE OF THE RONIN

rest assured, this is still a team ninja game. we got 2.3% bonuses to swimming speed. we got 0.1% bonuses to health recovery. we got total fucking nonsense koei tecmo storytelling, ten foot yanks wielding greatswords, ki pulses, and stance dance combo extensions.. do not be alarmed by the Bakumatsu Map Marker Safari stylings.... do not be afraid of the checklists... the 100 cats cannot harm you...

anyone with the chonmage cut tries to start some shit i hit em with the (highly committal) parry . whip the heal out their hands and drink it myself. whip the buff out their hands and use it myself. whip their ass into a barrel and glide away laughing. i'm sneaking up on boars to befriend them. i'm juggling seventy social links with a bunch of shoinite psychopaths, geishas, and government creeps. i got a bayonet that functions like a miniature gunlance and turns heads into mist when things get outta line. everyone hates me until they realize i have no ethics or principles, my wife hangs out in the longhouse with our rent-a-cats, and my shiba dog's extremely worldly. sometimes i go underwater and take photos of political murders. sometimes i give a dude nine copies of frankenstein. never once have i had to open a crafting menu

yasuda and the boys wanted their big skyrim/mhworld/eldenring breakout moment and while that didn't come to pass we got a pretty good game with the best open world combat to date out of it. digital foundry nerds better lock their doors cos who knows what im gonna do if i gotta hear about how ugly this allegedly looks one more time. have you seen the architecture... the landscapes.. . these sumptuous million threadcount fabrics. beautiful game with beautiful gore and beautiful outfits and everyone has dynasty warriors disease (Insanely Hot) and that's the bottom line